Acharya David Frawley says – The phenomena of death is not just our own physical death which we naturally fear but the ability to die , forget or let go of what has no enduring value , the outer surface appearances of our lives.
I was not ready to die yet !
It was after 5 years that I was in Delhi and I was excited to relive my memories. This is where I was born and brought up and had loads of memories for me . Three full days after today’s wedding – a super opportunity for me to meet some old friends and visit some of my favourite places . Jaggi sitting next to me poked my hand with his elbow and said – Now you are lost ! Delhi makes you so excited that you are oblivious of this handsome man in Sherwani , sitting next to you. Oh come on Jaggi I am sure if you were staying out of Mumbai you would behave the same way when you come back to it . Well over the last few years I have bought you back at least 3 times , he smiled . Not enough for me , I smiled and said . My childhood, teenage days , school, college all my friends . There is always so much to catch up. And Durga Puja the festival time has so many memories of us friends going to the pandal everyday . By the way where are we going for the wedding , I asked ? Jaggi and I had flown in from Mumbai to attend his childhood friends son’s wedding . I had forgotten to ask where the wedding was -it didn’t matter , after all it was Delhi my hometown.
The Gymkhana club , remarked Jaggi casually. The driver of the cab interrupted and said , Sir the address you gave me is of the Army officers Club in Dhaula Kuan ! Oh it s a club right ? What is in a name ? I went numb and pale hearing the ‘Army officer’s club’. Suddenly in a moment of rage I turned to Jaggi and said what do you mean , it is the same thing ? It is not ! They are two difference places and stop I said to the driver . The driver drew the car to the side and braked . Jaggi was shocked and did not know how to respond . He looked at me and said Meenu you are looking beautiful for any club ? How does it matter ? It does, I screamed . Please can you leave us alone for 5 minutes, I said to the driver . The driver opened the door of the car and walked outside .
Jaggi was perplexed as I went on and on….. I don’t like your casual attitude , what do you mean what is in a name ? I am Meenu , you cant call me Varsha or Suneeta or whatever ? How can you say Gymkhana and Army club are the same ? Jaggi looked at me and asked- is the food bad at the Army one ? What is the problem with it , he asked irritated . To me both of us dressed aptly for a close friend’s wedding wherever it is ? What is the problem Meenu. I opened my mouth and shut it as I could not tell him what was the difference or the problem . Sorry I said , am not feeling upto it . I will drop you and take the car back. Jaggi lost it at that point and said just because it is Army club and not Gymkhana? No I responded spitting out fire – because you are casual about everything and I don’t like it . I did not understand my own logic but a volcano had erupted in my head .
Jaggi took my hands in his and said Meenu , I am casual and you never had a problem with it for so many years . I am sorry about this but if you are not well I am not leaving you alone . It is your childhood friends wedding– you must go ! I knew he will not be alone so I reconciled and said Ok let us go but if I am not well I will come back . Jaggi beckoned to the driver who came in drove us away .
As the club entrance drew near , I was filled with hurt, fear, and disgust . I saw a young lady walking in with a young guy . Both held hands and were in love . That was me Meenu and Shekhar my man. The man I was in love with when I was 25. Time stood still as memories came back. As the car halted I shook myself and held on to Jaggi’s arm . Jaggi joked –‘ Oye idhar murder shurder hua thha Kya’ ? (Did any murder take place here ?). I gulped my saliva and was filled with disgust anger and hatred . With emotions running high I walked into the decorated club premises . Jaggi had forgotten everything and was excited . I looked around and saw the rooms on the West side of the lawn and shuddered . I remembered each and every detail of that day .
We met Jaggi’s friend and his bride and I slipped away pretending to head towards the washroom . From the lawns I quietly moved to the reception and entered it . The receptionist got up and enquired if I needed help. I
To be continued